My Happy and Healthy Bucket List: For Caleb
People talk about those aha moments. The ones where life makes sense. Many times, your life will fall apart in order to come together. The universe puts you in the same situations over and over again until you learn. Until you grow. Until you evolve. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I want to give a trigger warning here: Please do not continue reading if you struggle with mental health or do not want to read about topics involving death or suicide.
In June of 2013, I had one of these life-altering events happen. Growing up and seeing both my parents work extremely hard, this was the mindset. You work hard and you get promoted. You keep your head down, never challenge upper management, and always be the one they call on because “it’ll get you far in life.” Unfortunately, that is not the case. A company is only trying to run their business and make profit through any means possible, regardless of what that does to an employee making minimum wage.
I used to truly break myself for jobs due to that mindset that you work until they send you home. If you are sick, you go in and let them send you home. I was managing five oceanfront properties, the most in the company. I had worked two weeks straight, 10-hour shifts. No days off and really no breaks. Hospitality and travel is a 24/7 industry. This means all hours, night and day.
Because my bar was always at a 10, after two weeks straight it was at an 8. My performance was slipping as a manager, so I was told I needed to take two days off. That evening, I got a call around 11 pm. My best friend Caleb Bennet, Master Sergeant in the Air Force of 17 years, committed suicide due to severe PTSD after doing numerous tours overseas. I crumbled. I had never lost anyone I was close with. This broke me. Seven days prior, Caleb had texted me saying, “Can I ask you a question.” I was exhausted and did not text back. I was tired from a job that did not care about me.
As sad as this situation was, I asked myself a question: if you died tomorrow, could you say you were happy? The answer at the time was no. For someone who worked in travel, I had not taken a vacation for myself… ever. So I created the Happy and Healthy Bucket List, which still exists today.
It consists of all types of different things like getting a healthy routine, seeing wildlife in their natural habitat like Africa, adopting a special needs animal, getting certified to teach yoga, making a public speech for a good cause, seeing a Broadway show in New York, fostering an animal that was rescued from a testing lab (I ended up fostering 8 beagle puppies and their mama!) I am happy to report all of the above I have checked off my list. The list has evolved since 2013, but the list is currently at 70 listed items.
One of the last times he visited me in Daytona, he wrote this on my dry erase board. I used to call him Dollface and I don't know what made me snap a photo, but I wanted to capture this side of him. The Happy and Healthy Bucket List really is how my yoga journey started and why it continues and evolves. It started because of Caleb and I swore after Caleb’s passing I would keep his name alive. The reason I started yoga is because of the loss of my best friend. I found healing through yoga and that's why I started Zen Den Yoga. To help others heal. I also offer yoga to veterans, military personnel and friends & families of those we have lost free of charge.
If you’ve ever experienced this type of loss, my heart goes out to you. He fought for our country and then lost his life to an unseen battle. Through amazing programs like K9s for Warriors, more than 2,500 rescue dogs have been saved and over 1,200 veterans (Warriors) have graduated from the program and been paired with service dogs. I am proud to say I have volunteered doing speaking engagements for this program and worked with other organizations helping veterans.
I think it’s only right to say a little bit about him. He was an incredible human being. A protector to those who needed help. A kind soul under the surface of a hardened military façade. A father. A son. A brother. A best friend.
I get reminded often that he is up there watching over me. Still protecting me from the skies. With me on this beautiful, hard, chaotic journey we call life.
To our veterans and military personnel, thank you for your service. I know that you fight battles on and off the field. Ones that others may never know about, but know you are loved and that asking for help is okay.
Mental Health & Crisis Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling, please know you are not alone. Help is available 24 hours a day.
988 Suicide & Crisis LifelineCall or text 988 from anywhere in the United States. You can also chat online at 988lifeline.org.
Veterans Crisis LineVeterans, service members, National Guard, Reserve members, and their loved ones can:
Dial 988 then press 1
Text 838255
Chat online at veteranscrisisline.net
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